Night of Too Many Stars / Comedy Benefit

I wrote material for the Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Concert for Autism Education, hosted by Jon Stewart. The program aired on Comedy Central and was produced by Busboy Productions. At the 2011 Emmy Awards it was nominated in the “Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Special” category. Below are a few of the ideas I submitted for the program. We were asked to come up with ideas revolving around confirmed and potential guests:

Transient

Stephen Colbert

In a prerecorded video, Stephen Colbert walks around his house, showing the viewer how common items lying around (e.g. baseball cards, jewelry, etc.) can be pawned off so they money can be used to donate.  After finding these common objects around his house, he then stumbles into a creepy room full of large, anatomically correct wax statues of Ronald Reagan. He tearfully pawns his cherished statues off, only to find they're all worth only five bucks.

Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler states that he is going to try to teach himself medicine so that he can help out with the autism research. He promptly begins by opening a junior high health class textbook, but keeps getting distracted, laughing at the pictures of penises and vaginas, flipping to the grossest pictures, etc. After a minute or so of this, he sighs and explains that this is why they need to raise money for real researchers

Lewis Black

To encourage donations, Lewis Black offers to match any donation with a complaint, i.e. for every dollar you donate, Lewis Black will phone your house and complain about some little thing that's pissing him off at the moment, at any time of the day.

Jimmy Fallon

Playing the guitar, Jimmy Fallon does parodies of various pop/rock singers and their hits, replacing the lyrics with their artists' ridiculous ideas for how to cure autism.

Zach Galifinakis

To coax people into donating, Zach explains that he’s going on a “hygiene” strike until a target amount of money is met. He says it’ll be tough, since his career is based solely on his looks, but he will refrain from exercise, shaving, sunlight, and other activities that would improve his appearance.

Kid Cudi & Tina Fey

Kid Cudi comes onstage saying there must be a mixup—apparently he's on the schedule to do standup after Tina Fey's rap performance. Tina Fey comes onstage in rap garb and says it's no mistake. She begins rapping (poorly but enthusiastically) while Kid Cudi, reading off a teleprompter, hesitantly goes into a standup routine about getting his period.